Where does it sit? Everyday experiences on the map
The Present Attention and Happiness Matrix sorts every moment of attention by when it is about, past, present or future, and how it feels about it, liking, disliking or neutral. Nine positions. Most of what we call a mood, a habit or a personality is a position visited often. This page places everyday experiences where the book places them, so you can find yours. Each entry links to the post that takes it further.
Two things to know before you look. First, the same experience can sit in different positions on different days; "money" is worry on Monday and a plan on Tuesday. The entries below show the usual home, not a law. Second, only one position is quiet: Present + Neutral (presence), the centre. Eight pull you away. Only presence costs nothing.
Past + Likes (Nostalgia)
- Remembering a holidayA pleasant memory that quietly makes now feel smaller.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.43Read: The Week on the PAHM: 10 October 2026
- Missing an exVisiting the good parts, then the bad parts, then back again.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105; ch 18
- "The good old days"Comparison with a past that colours the present.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105Read: Why am I never satisfied? Both sides of every circumstance hurt
- Replaying a complimentGoing back to the moment to feel it again.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.113-114Read: Emotional regulation's blind spot: feeling good is the part nobody trains
- "When I was healthy"Health as a past state, and every comparison with it.The Return of Attention, ch 21 p.160
Present + Likes (Holding)
- Enjoying a compliment and wanting moreThe pleasant feeling, then the grip on it.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.113-115Read: Emotional regulation's blind spot: feeling good is the part nobody trains
- A good moment you do not want to endHolding on is a pull too.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105, 115Read: Why do I feel sad after being happy? The pendulum the mind swings on
- Food, comfort, the next pleasant thingSensory enjoyment that turns into seeking.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.43-44Read: How to be happy: the happiness that does not depend on conditions
Future + Likes (Anticipation)
- Daydreaming about successPleasant, and it pulls attention out of the room.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.43; ch 23
- "I'll be happy when"A condition that has not arrived, making now not enough.The Return of Attention, ch 23 p.180-183Read: Why am I never satisfied? Both sides of every circumstance hurt
- Wanting a better mattressThe book's own example: the thought is not the problem; following it is.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.107-112Read: How to control your thoughts: recognising one is not rejecting it
- "I wish I had more money"Recognise, understand, return. Not "I shouldn't want it".The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.110
- Forcing a positive thoughtA good thought is still a thought, pulled away from now.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.110, 113
Past + Neutral (Memory)
- Working out what was saidHarmless on its own; usually the step before a story.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105; ch 18 p.126
- "I wonder what I did wrong"The third thought in the chain, before the fourth adds the blame.The Return of Attention, ch 18 p.126
Future + Neutral (Planning)
- Planning next weekFunctional: it has a purpose, leads to action, and ends.The Return of Attention, ch 22
- Lying in bed planning tomorrowFine until the tile changes to worry.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105; ch 22Read: Can't sleep because you're thinking? The loop, and why fighting it feeds it
Past + Dislikes (Regret)
- Regret about something you saidThe event is over; the replay keeps it fresh.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.110Read: Can't stop replaying conversations? Why the argument keeps running
- Self-criticism"I should have seen it coming." A habit, not a verdict.The Return of Attention, ch 16 p.65; ch 25
- ResentmentA past wrong, held, that colours present experience.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.105Read: Can't stop replaying conversations? Why the argument keeps running
- "This always happens to me"The fourth thought: a story built from one event.The Return of Attention, ch 18 p.126
- Dwelling that pulls mood downRepeated visits build a regretful disposition.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.106
- Feeling like a failureAn identity that exists only while you think it.The Return of Attention, ch 21 p.162; ch 25 p.195-199
Present + Dislikes (Resistance)
- Anger at what is happening nowFighting the moment makes it harder to think.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.48
- "I hate that I have to live with this"Pushing against a present that is already here.The Return of Attention, ch 16 p.99-100Read: What anxiety actually is, structurally
- Comparing yourself to a colleagueNever the richest person alive, only the one at your level.The Return of Attention, ch 16 p.98
- Irritation at a queue or a slow websiteA small trigger, the same chain.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.48; ch 18
Future + Dislikes (Worry)
- Worrying about tomorrow's meetingThe book's own example of Future + Dislikes.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.110Read: What anxiety actually is, structurally
- Waking up anxiousThe first thought of the day, usually about the day.The Return of Attention, ch 17; ch 18Read: Why do I wake up anxious? The first thought of the day
- "What if I become homeless?"Money fear is a projection; the balance is a fact.The Return of Attention, ch 21 p.159-163
- "What if it gets worse?"Illness is constant; the worry about it is not.The Return of Attention, ch 11 p.71-72; ch 21Read: Why am I always anxious? Anxiety that has become a habit of position
- Fear of disappointing someoneWhere a pleasant chain usually ends.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.115Read: Emotional regulation's blind spot: feeling good is the part nobody trains
- "What if I'm stuck here forever?"The career chain's last link.The Return of Attention, ch 17 p.119
Present + Neutral (Presence)
- Noticing the breathDirect contact, no commentary.The Return of Attention, ch 7 p.43Read: How to be more present: the state you do not have to build
- The sound before the opinionEvery sense starts here; the second thought moves away.The Return of Attention, ch 18 p.126
- Laughing at a jokeThe same laugh for the rich man and the beggar.The Return of Attention, ch 25 p.195-199
- The next lap, the next stepCalm is returned to, not held.The Return of Attention, ch 16; ch 23Read: How to stay calm: you return to calm, you do not hold it
Moves, not positions
Some familiar experiences are not one position but a movement between them:
- Overthinking: a chain. One thought starts the next, usually through Past + Dislikes (regret) and Future + Dislikes (worry), and the subject does not matter. Read: How to stop overthinking.
- Feeling overwhelmed: attention jumping between several chains, none of them finished. Read: Why do I feel overwhelmed.
- Stress for no reason: a forecast running in the background; the stressor is a thought about later. Read: Why do I feel stressed for no reason.
- Sadness after joy: Present + Likes (holding) turning into Past + Likes (nostalgia) as the moment passes. Read: Why do I feel sad after being happy.
- Anger: usually Present + Dislikes (resistance) sliding into Past + Dislikes (regret) a moment later.